Dreams

Picture this.

We’re in the movie Mary Poppins’; its that point in the movie when it’s raining (very detailed right?).  You know.  That part when that guy is singing ‘chim chimery chim chimery’ (I would google the exact details, including that guy’s name if I didn’t have sprint as my phone carrier).

Anyway, it’s raining that light sort of rain, where ‘that guy’ gets just enough wet to mimic reality, but manages to skip and hop in puddles  while singing, with an occasional smile on his face; ahhhh, what a moment.  Remembering that part of the movie somehow gives me warm feelings inside.

What does Mary poppins and some guy singing in the rain have to do with anything, you might ask? It has everything to do with how I dream joy may feel like in remission, or maybe in the near future.

I’ve been suffering a long time.  And although I am yet suffering, less than five days out from yet another hospital admission, one thing has remained steady, and that is my ability to dream. My days are so clouded with darkness that some days are easier to conjure up a dream than others, but I’m grateful for the ability to dream; to think about where I want to be and how that would make me feel.

Right now, if I had it my way I would write for a living.  Call me the next Toni Morrison or Maya Angelou. Heck, call me Dominique- the best writer in the land.  Creator of art from an idea, with the know how to use untapped words to make a masterpiece.  That’s what I dream.  Of course, along with the accolades would come the high financial award, but would all of this bring me the kind of joy that I yearn for everyday?

I’m not sure, but I know that doing something low stress, at my leisure, only when creativity calls, would be a great place to be right now at this point in my life.  I’ve had to put adulting on hold; working, doing a PhD program, and doing anything beyond getting up in the morning and managing to find 5% of energy to show some glimmer of hope and love to my daughters and my husband, is all I can give to this world right now.  Sometimes, even that can be too taxing on my fragile mind.

But, like MLK jr. said ‘I have a dream’.

I have a dream, that one day I will be able to do what I love, feel passionately about it, and experience joy in the midst of it all, no matter the weather, rain or shine; I have a dream that one day I will be fine.

So I’ll dream on…

 

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GS

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