Behind the Glamour

I once wrote a blog about my glamorous Kate spade bag that my husband gifted me with as a push present; I loved that bag, in fact I still do, but do you ever stop to think about the individual behind the design, behind the glamour?

We all know the saying, ‘everything that glitters ain’t gold’, well there is some truth to that.

As we all have heard, Kate Spade, the woman behind the design of my gorgeous, glamorous push present, has passed away.

It May be too soon to speak of her or even write anything with the mentioning of her name,  but I feel that her life as well as countless others who have left us by way of suicide, would all but be a stone passing on the water, a fading ripple in time, if we don’t talk about their tragic end; tragic in the sense that a hurting human being thought it would be better to be a memory.

This is a touchy subject for me, because I too have travelled so dark mentally, with only but one decision standing in the way of life and memories.

No I’m not here to glorify suicidality or condone it in any way, but for those who haven’t experienced what it’s like to feel so helpless, with seemingly no way out, I harken you to try to empathize with those we remember, and those still fighting for dear life.

Before I was bestowed with this challenge in life, depression, I use to think ‘why on earth do people cut themselves…why must they take their lives?’ But I know all to well why these acts occur.

Imagine being thrown out into the ocean in the middle of the night, no help in sight and the only light is in the distance, the moon.  How would you feel? How would you cope knowing that you may be stuck in the middle of that abyss for eternity; the medication hasn’t helped, therapy has been anything but life sustaining, and everyone around you is coping, living their lives.

Do you feel a sense of isolation?

If not let me take you a bit deeper.

Its like you are not only in the ocean with no help in sight, but it constantly thunderstorms and rains, no matter how good life appears for you, no matter how much money you possess, NOTHING brings you happiness.

Do you feel alone now?

Its painful, a kind of mental pain that no amount of cutting can cure, but it’s a distraction from the mind throbbing pain; there’s only so much of these feelings one can take…

Some find a life raft floating in the distance, and some unfortunately slip away under the rip currents, thinking that the pain will stop, but the pain never stops, because tho depression or anxiety or any mental illness makes you feel isolated and alone, you are never alone, and there is always someone left behind to take on that pain.

I had a coworker once say that ‘I think people who commit suicide are so selfish’

That hurt me to the core, because what she didn’t realize was that my mind had went there before, not by choice but by way of the decaying of the mind; suicidal thoughts are a symptom, not a choice.

So, if by now you don’t understand the mind of someone who is in an abyss of hurt, it’s ok…I just hope and pray that your mind never wonders there, because tho a raft of hope may not seem near, there is hope for all, and I am a living proof of hope.

And, for those who we have loss to the fight, let’s not remember them for how their life ended, but let’s concentrate or remember them by fighting to help understand and help those who are helpless, who work 9-5 daily, excercise 5 times a week, and make a decent living, but feel that untouchable pain; let’s help them stay in this life and feel like they are worth more than a mere memory.

Let us fight together for infinity, because we are ALL worthy.

RIP Kate Spade…

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